Done Being Fine
Oct 24, 2025
It’s stupid-early. 5:45am.
House is quiet, kids asleep, and I should be making the most of this precious time.
Instead, I'm here, thinking about the loop I saw play out in yesterday's Vessel call. The mire that so many seem to feel stuck in. The kind that makes us feel exhausted and numb but somehow still scared to stop or make a move or do anything about it.
We say we’re “fine.”
We keep juggling, scrolling, parenting, pretending, medicating, overthinking, under-feeling.
We keep promising ourselves we’ll slow down after this next crisis, this next launch, this next Shabbos, this next whatever.
But that “after” never comes.
So we learn to live half-alive.
We talk about healing while secretly hoping someone else will rescue us from the life we built by accident.
We light candles, write affirmations, whisper prayers, but we don’t actually change.
Because changing means letting go and possibly losing the narrative we've crafted that felt familiar and made us feel safe.
This came up on our call too. How the things we most wish we could let go of, our fear, our perfectionism, our resistance; have actually been keeping us small, contained, and safe for so long.
Truth is; that's the story that's suffocating you.
Quietly. Softly.
You feel it in the way you wake up already tired.
You know it in the way you snap at your kids, then apologize, then repeat it all again.
In the way you look at your life and think, “This can’t be it,” but keep performing anyway.
Vessel is the interruption.
The place where you stop pretending you don’t know what you know.
Where you finally admit that your soul is starving and start feeding it.
Crumbs at first. But nourishment has to start somewhere, and self-love is a level of mastery even Torah felt the need to give attention to.
讜职讗指讛址讘职转指旨 诇职专值注植讱指 讻指旨诪讜止讱指 - Love your fellow as yourself.
Yourself being the operative word.
Every relationship comes down to the one we have with ourselves. Self-love isn't some new age programming. It's right there in the Torah.
We can only love another inasmuch as we are willing to give that love to ourselves.
Vessel isn't a course. It’s a reclamation.
Of your energy, your worth, your voice, your life.
22 years ago, October 23, 2003, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had to decide at sixteen whether I was going to choose to fight for this life.
I realized I couldn't just not want to die; I had to choose to live.
I had to decide this life was worth living; that I was worth living it; and make every moment matter.
Registration closes at noon today.
Not because I like countdowns.
But because at some point, you either walk through the door or you don’t.
And if you don’t, that’s another day you tell yourself you’ll do it “later.”
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