Girl Math

girl math /ˈɡɜːrl mæθ/

(noun)

Informal, humorous

Definition: A playful, slightly unhinged system of accounting used primarily by women to rationalize spending money—typically in ways that minimize guilt or reframe purchases as acts of survival, empowerment, or divine intervention.

Example: Using girl math, she figured the $300 shoes paid for themselves because she wore them to five events and skipped three therapy sessions. So actually, she came out ahead.

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Every so often, my sisters and I do a “Sisters Shabbos”; we move back into our parents’ house and reminisce about what it was like growing up under the same roof. (We actually didn't. I moved out when the youngest was two. But we pretend.)

And you know how it is. When you're back in your parents’ home, something shifts.

Old stories come out. Old stuff resurfaces. New insights are gained.

There’s usually late-night laughter, someone kvetching over getting that room, and at least one deep life epiphany over a salad.

This year’s came while Chani was prepping lettuce, Blimi was busy sneaking it straight out of the bowl, and I was going for a coffee.

The conversation shifted to shoes;

Blimi buys whatever’s in style.

Chani loves her Jimmy Choos.

Tziri swears by her UGGs.

And I own eleven pairs of the same high-tops in different colors.

And we realized:

We all have a thing about spending on ourselves. Specifically around shoes.

Because we were raised wearing Payless. Ten-dollar shoes. Buy one, get one free.

We grew up thinking nice things were extra. Optional. Frivolous. A little selfish.

Not because we weren’t raised well.

But because we watched our mother be Wonder Woman, with PTA forms in one hand, cooking Chai Lifeline meals with the other, a baby on her hip and a toddler in her skirts. 

She never sighed. She never snapped. She never slowed down.

We didn’t know moms had needs.

We didn’t know women were allowed to fall apart.

We didn’t know grown-ups cried.

So we had to learn. Each in our own way.

Chani taught us what she now knows through girl math.

It started with the coffee cup.

I burned my fingers because the cup was too thin.

My mother told me to double-cup it.

I asked why she didn’t just buy the good Dixie cups with insulation.

She said: “They’re twice the price.” (They're not. They're one cent more on Amazon. I checked.)

Cue Chani:

“Okay, but... if you’re using two cheap cups instead of one good one, you’re not saving anything. You’re literally spending more to suffer.”

 As sisters, we have never felt more seen. 

Because how many of us are doing that in life?

Double-cupping through discomfort, just to save a few metaphorical cents.

Girl math isn't just about justifying the Jimmy Choos.

It’s about recalculating the real cost of neglecting yourself.

It’s about recognizing that filling your own cup (your good, insulated Dixie cup) actually gives you more to pour from.

Not so long ago, I would never have let myself attend something like my upcoming July event, Emerge.

I would’ve called it indulgent. Unjustifiable.

I would’ve double-cupped my life and powered through.

But I’ve learned, sometimes through breakthroughs, sometimes through breakdowns, that the things that look like luxuries are often the things we need most.

Emerge is an event for the woman who gives to everyone else without blinking.

It’s for the one who’s tired of being told to “hold it all together.”

It’s for the ones like my mother, like my sisters, and the ones like me.

Who need someone to say:

"You matter too."

Through the unique and powerful experience of immersive (underwater!) breathwork, Emerge is an invitation into stillness, softness, and clarity, so you can finally hear what your life has been trying to tell you.

Because clarity doesn’t come from trying harder.

It comes from letting go.

From remembering who you are when you’re not holding it all.

Come fill your cup.

Then raise a glass to the woman who finally said yes to herself.

Registration is open now, and set to sell out.

It’s one day.

For the rest of your life.

Join us.

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After Shabbos, I watched my mother casually blow up the moon bounce for the grandkids like she didn't just host us all on the longest Shabbos of the year. 

She makes it look so easy. 

But also, today I know and understand something more than what can be seen on the surface.

Today I see a woman who deserves rest. Ease. Her own pair of high-tops, Jimmy Choos, or UGGs if she wants.

Let’s stop double-cupping.

Let’s get the good ones.

Let’s call it girl math, and then go live like we’re worth it.

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In last week's email I made a typo about the date - Emerge is not Sunday, July 13.

Emerge is happening Tuesday, July 15.

I’m so glad so many of you caught it.

It highlights three very important things:

1. You’re excited and already marked it on your calendars.
2. You actually read these emails to the end. (I love you for that.)
3. You just helped me live what I was preaching in that last email, the un-curated, messy, real.

Typos and all.

See you on the 15th.

Shoes optional. Cups full.