It’s one of the more frustrating experiences in life, when someone tells you how you should feel. Which is why I’ve always found it a little strange that there’s an actual positive commandment to “be joyous” during Sukkos.

In general, the Torah doesn’t tell us how to feel. How could it? Are we really in control of our emotions to that degree, that G-d would hold us accountable for them?

Well… no.
And also, yes.

Because joy isn’t a feeling.

Joy isn’t the opposite of sadness. They’re not even on the same spectrum.

If they were, then the moment we weren’t sad, we’d automatically find joy. But how often is that true? How often does the drama of something terrible finally subside, only to leave behind an emptiness, a hollow space where we don’t quite know who we are without the pain that once defined us?

Joy isn’t an emotion. 

Joy is a spiritual discipline that has nothing to do with not being sad. 

In fact, joy holds so much more than just happiness, 

Joy is the presence to be with it all. 

The mitzvah of sukkah is to be in joy. Which is strange if you think about it. 

We’re sitting in shacks alternately baking under a blazing sun, worried about the food getting drenched in rain, shivering in coats and being bitten by mosquitos while listening to all the neighbor kids teasing each other, and this is called the holiday of joy. 

Where’s the joy?

The joy is in the moment. The family. The togetherness. The off key singing of the neighbor next door. The breeze that lets you know the stagnation of summer has finally broken. 

The full moon.

Harvest moon. 

There’s a winter coming, but we take the time to feast under a harvest moon. 

A time where we trust that where we are is enough. That although there’s so much more to come, we’re exactly where we need to be. 

I learned something fascinating last week

There’s a question asked, if one has the same number of steps to take towards a Sukkah and to the Beis Hamikdash, where does one get more schar/reward?

The Beis Hamikdash. 

Why? Because with the Beis Hamikdash, there's a mitzvah to be oleh regel, to arrive. So every step we take in that direction is part of the mitzvah

There is no mitzvah to arrive to the Sukkah. The mitzvah with Sukkah is to enter, and to be within. 

If you were wondering; that is the secret to joy. Joy isn’t about the steps we’ve taken, and it’s not about arriving. It’s about learning to be present with where we’re currently at. Even if we know it’s a temporary threshold we’ll move on from in just a few days. 

The messianic age will be about arriving; will be about celebrating every step it took to get there. 

But for today, it’s about being. About reveling in the temporary walls that allow us to gaze up at the stars and know that we are being guided as we continue to navigate this life. 

This is the secret to Joy, to thriving. 

It’s an acquired skill. A lifetime commitment. A Torah command

The Torah commands us to cultivate joy. To thrive. To find the breaths, the temporary reprieves and celebrate what we are harvesting. Even as we know the work is far from done.

Last year, for my friend Nechama Stahl’s birthday (which happens to be tomorrow!) I gifted her a mug that said “Might be coffee….Might be wine.” 

Nechama and I have had this thriving conversation (amongst others) many times in the years we’ve been friends (since we were awkward frizzy haired teens in camp together).  And we’ve come to the same conclusion again and again:

Thriving isn’t about perfection or perpetual joy. It’s about knowing that there will be times you’ll need caffeine and others when you’ll need kiddush in that cup. 

Thriving is the ability to hold both the mundane and the miraculous without losing yourself in either

In our eighth Vessel Podcast Episode you get to listen in on one of our conversations. You might feel like you’re eavesdropping on us at the gym, where we’re picking up on a thread we’ve begun and continued to spin for years. 

Nechama is not only a kallah teacher and facilitator who blends breathwork, hypnotherapy, and Torah wisdom; she’s someone who has been the fuel to my fire for so much of what I have dared to launch these past few years. 

Nechama is someone who lives the secret of thriving. 

She shows up (with a cupful of whatever might be needed in the moment). She asks the kind of questions that don’t require answers. She holds space with depth and with laughter. She makes room for presence, even when things are messy or unfinished.

When I was hoping to interview someone for the module of thriving, it didn’t surprise me that Nechama booked that conversation. She isn’t someone that necessarily has it all figured out, (although she’s pretty close to what I’d imagine Superwoman looks like) but she has learned how to be present to it all. 

To me, that’s what thriving looks like. Not perfection. Not the absence of sadness. But a full bodied yes to this moment.

And that is what Vessel is all about.

So come listen to this episode of the Vessel Mini Series.  Sit with us in the sukkah. Feel what it means to thrive together. Because joy is not something you stumble into. It is something you cultivate. And the best way to practice is with a crew that refuses to let you do it alone.

The seventh cohort of Vessel is shaping up to be the most alive and joyous group of men and women. We really do get better every year. 

Registration will open again for just one week as soon as chag ends. 

We’re saving a spot for you!

Fally